Regrets of the Shinigami
by cronaSE
Summary: Death the Kid is in love with Maka. When Maka gets a date with an abusive Soul how will he react?
1. The date and the reactions

That cold day Liz and Patti were half dead with boredom. Liz was doing her nails, I was fixing my beloved symmetry, and Patti, was well being Patti

"Kiddo-kun?Earth to Death the Kid?" Liz called in a singsong voice, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" I snapped out of it and turned to face her. "What?"

"Why you so spacey?" She asked.

Before I could answer, the doorbell rang. I went to go get it hoping it was Maka. It was.

"Hello Kiddo-kun may i talk to Liz?" She asked politely with that angelic voice

"Of course" I casually replied and then Maka, in her exitement gave me a huge hug. I blushed and hugged her back in my mind I confirmed 'Yes,yes you do love her'.Maka pulled away and bounded in, Pigtails flying and smiling. Her face was flushed red with joy and cold and her bright green eyes shone with excitement.

"LIZ!" she screamed as she leapt on the couch.

"Liz, your never gonna guess what happened!" she squealed, grabbing Liz's shoulders and shaking her.

"What happened Maka?" Liz asked with a giggle, prying Maka's fingers off her shoulders.

"Soul Evans asked me out!" Maka shrieked, bouncing up and down on the couch.

"Oh my god Hot Soul? No way!" Liz clutched Maka's hands and they squealed girlishly.

What?. Soul Evans was an intimidating six foot four of pure muscle. My insides burned with fear and jealously.

"You mean senior Soul who totalled that vending machine last year?" I asked Maka in disbelief.

"Yeah!" She screamed.

"You can't go out with him!" I shouted.

"Why not Kiddo-kun?" She politely asked.

"He's asymmetrical!" I said "Your boyfriend must be completely symmetrical Maka!"

"Kiddo-kun it is okay if he is asymmetrical." She said

I watched her in disbelief as she and Liz continued to squeal over Maka's news. I wanted to say something. To stop her from going out with that creep.

"But…" I started to protest again, but this time it was Liz who cut me off.

"Maka's a big girl and I'm sure she can take care of herself." She said, standing up and glaring at me over Maka's shoulder.

I groaned, irritated. At Liz for being such a bitch, Maka for not realizing how idiotic she was being, and at myself for making it just a bit too obvious that I was jealous. I rolled my eyes at my friends and turned to the stairs.

"Hey where you going?" Liz called.

"To my room." I answered shortly.

"What's his deal." I heard Maka ask on the way up the stairs.

"No idea." I heard Liz answer.

_I should have gone back. Gone back and told her. Told her everything. But no. instead I sealed her fate and left her there to gab to Liz about her new boyfriend. I knew it wasn't gonna end well. I stood there in the hallway and fought the urge to turn and go back downstairs and grab her and shake her and yell at her that. I needed her. That she couldn't go out with him. To this day I continually bang my head against my cell wall and curse myself for being such a fucking idiot. My Maka. It was all my fault._


	2. Liz sees Soul for real

**I do not own Soul Eater**

(forgot in the previous chapter)

Two weeks later found me walking towards homeroom. Maka was already in her seat beside me. She was reading a book so intently she didn't notice I was there. All I could see was her hair and eyes. I stared at her for a while before Liz and Patti came back from the washroom.

"Hello Maka-chan" I said with a smile.

Maka jumped slightly and looked over. "Hello Kiddo-kun." she said all grinning and flustered. I had to refrain myself from kissing her right there. I looked down at her and my fluttering heart constricted for a second. The faintest shadow of a bruise discoloured her pale cheekbone and red marks I could see above the neckline of her shirt. Before I realized what I was doing, I had unconsciously lifted a hand to softly cup her face and gently run my thumb over her cheekbone.

"What happened Maka?" I asked her quietly, my voice coming out lower and huskier than I intended.

Maka's face flushed a deep shade of pink and I could feel her face growing hot under my hand. Her eyes darted to the floor before she lifted them back up to my gaze, as if she couldn't help herself. Though I was concerned, I couldn't help but admire her beauty as her lower lip trembled and twitched as though she was going to say something, but no sound came out. I raised an eyebrow and she swallowed. It took me a minute to grasp that she was flustered.

"She ran into a door." Tsubaki cut in "That's what she told me, that's what happened. Right Maka?"

Maka blinked and shook her head slightly, seeming to come to her senses. "Yeah, a door."

I watched Tsubaki frown softly to herself, sad that our moment was over and we were back to casual talking. I opened my mouth to ask her what's wrong again when I caught sight of her expression. She was staring over my shoulder, looking slightly terrified.

"Maka?" I asked, slightly nervous. She didn't answer, only continued to stare over my shoulder, her face pale as the white dress shirt she had on under her sweater-vest, making the bruise stand out even more. I was about to turn around to see what she was staring at, but before I could turn, the over powering smell of sweat and bad cologne hit my nose. I almost gagged.

"H-h-hey Soul." Maka stuttered nervously, donning a fake smile to offer to her boyfriend. Soul sauntered forward and wrapped his heavily muscled arm around Maka's pale shoulders. He glared down at me, I stared back. He swayed slightly; his plaid shirt was about two sizes too small for him. He towered over Maka a good foot and half, and his white greasy hair almost brushed the top of her head.

"Soul." I said curtly.

"Death the Kid." he growled uninterestedly "Sup Liz." he added as a side note to Liz. She beamed at him. Clearly I was the only one who got ugly vibes from this creep. Idiots.

He looked down at the sandy blonde girl under his arm and stoked her face in what might have been meant to be a sweet and gentle gesture, but looked rather painful. "We're out." he mumbled, leading Maka away almost forcefully.

"Bye liz" Maka calls nervously over her shoulder. "Kiddo-kun." she adds as an after thought before allowing Soul to lead her away. I watched them walk away before turning back to Liz, who to my surprise was wearing an expression that was mingled fear and anxiety. She looked at me and seemed to ask me with her eyes.

"I don't like him either." She took another look at Maka and Soul's retreating forms.

"He's so… creepy." Liz said, adding a girly shoulder shake to emphasize her point. "I used to think he was so hot but now that I've actually spoken to him, he's just so…I don't know. He seems so dangerous." she added softly, almost as though talking to herself. She shook her head.

_I turned back and fucking watched him lead her away. Drag her away. I saw that fucking bruise. I saw how scared she was. And I let him take her. She was so stubborn that even when it's not her whose hurting her she stays. I let her go. I could have gone back. Shaken off Liz's hand and gone back and dragged her away from Soul. I could have stopped it. I could have saved her. She could still be here… she would still be alive. My nurse noticed more marks on my forehead when she brought me my medicine. She asked me nicely to stop banging my head against my wall. I only nodded so she wouldn't bother me anymore. I do anything she asks me to. She's beautiful. With long sandy blonde hair and bright green eyes. Eyes that remind me of the girl I loved. The girl I love. The girl who I let die._


	3. The day he came

** - Yeah Soul was the only character that I thought would fit the part. Kid is going to continue trying to save her.**

* * *

I didn't see Maka for about another week or so, watching Liz brush her hair. I really wasn't paying attention to whatever it was Liz was gabbing on about but I nodded occasionally to make her think I was listening.

"What do you think?" Liz asked me, her face just inches from mine.

I flinched, not having noticed her walking up to me. "What?" I asked her, suddenly wishing I had been paying attention.

She pouted and put her hands on her hips. "Kid. Were you listening to me?" she demanded.

Thank god the doorbell rang and Maka bounced in when she did, saving me from answering Liz.

"Hello! Oh am I interrupting something?" She said looking up at us with a strange expression and I realized that me and Liz were still inches apart. Liz seemed to realize it as well and jumped away from me.

"Hey Maka." she said with a guilty grin and looked at me.

"Hey Liz." she answered after a beat, a radiant smile replacing her strange expression. "Hello Kiddo-kun." she looked at me and smiled. I studied her for a second, long enough for her to know I was studying her. Her bruise was gone but was replaced by a long gash just under her left ear and more red marks on her throat that looked like they were made by fingers. I bit my lip and stared into her eyes. She turned pink and looked down. Liz fixed each her hair as her pigtails fell out, supposedly while running here. I watched them and got a little mad. Liz pushed Maka's hair behind her ear and her fingers totally brushed the cut on her face and she didn't even lose her smile. I was so mad.

"Who wants a snack?" Liz said, wriggling her shoulders and skipping from the room. Leaving me with Maka. She tried to brush past me but I reached out and grabbed her shoulder to hold her back. She didn't fight me and seemed to be expecting it. She sighed and looked up at me, a strange sadness in her eyes.

"I'm okay Kiddo-kun." she said softly in a completely un-Makaish way, "Promise." She carefully removed my hand from her shoulder and left the room. I didn't even get a chance to say anything. Idiot.

When I finally made it downstairs Maka and Liz were sitting on the couch munching on pizza. I took the one slice she held out to me not knowing it wasn't symmetrical and sat down to eat it.

The door banged open and we all jumped and turned to see a clearly drunk Soul swaying in the doorway with a swollen nose and deeply bloodshot eyes.

"What the fuck!" Liz exclaimed

"What are you doing here?" I demanded angrily, standing up and unconsciously placing myself slightly in front of Maka.

He didn't even seem to hear me. He pointed his thick finger a few inches to the right of Maka and glared.

"Maka Albarn!" he slurred, attempting a step forward and almost colliding with the wall. I reached back and took Maka's small hand in my own, pulling her closer to me. I glanced back at her. She looked terrified.

"Soul-kun? Are you okay?" she asked softly.

He looked right at her this time and managed to stumble forward a few feet. "What the hell is this pansy ass bitch doing holding your hand?" he demanded loudly, reaching for her. I pulled her back further behind me.

"Leave her alone Soul!" I said firmly, stepping up to him and almost choking on the smell of alcohol and sweat that was rolling off of him in waves.

He stared at me for a split second before he punched me so hard it sent me flying back into the island of the kitchen and onto the floor. Liz and Maka both shrieked and Soul took advantage of Maka's distraction and grabbed her wrists.

"OW! Soul that hurts! Let go!" she tried to fight him off and I watched in horror as he pulled his hand back and slapped her across the face with what looked like all the strength he could manage. Liz yelled again and covered her face with her hands. Real helpful Liz. I waited for Maka to hit him back, to do something. Maka Albarn didn't take shit from anybody. Instead, I watched her face crumble and tears sprang up in her forest green eyes and cascaded down her face. Anger boiled up in me and I pushed myself up off the floor and stormed up to Soul.

"You Asshole!" I screamed, getting ready to hit him, but he was too fast, and his fist collided with my temple before I could even raise my hands. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was Liz crying and Maka screaming before the door slammed and I sank into darkness.

_He hit her. He HIT her. And I wasn't even fast enough to do anything about it. I wasn't even strong enough to pull her away from him. I was so pissed off that I didn't even think to look where his other hand was. I wasn't fast enough. Strong enough. It was all my fault. My fucking fault….Liz came in to see me today. And I yelled at her. The first words I'd spoken in a month and they were curses at Liz because she saw the cut. I know she fucking saw it. Her fingers brushed up against the fucking cut when she fixed Maka_'s_ hair and she didn't even say anything. I yelled until my beautiful nurse with the green eyes came in and gave me whatever she gave me and the world became slow and sleepy and easier to handle. Liz held my hand and cried. She told me she knew when she saw the cut. I couldn't believe it. She knew. But. So did I. I always knew. And even with the evidence right in front of me and HIM right in front of me. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her. I loved her. I miss her. I miss her so much…_


	4. The day she called for me

I do not own Soul Eater

**dino kid - I'm glad you like it! I personally love your story Shibusen Mental Hospital!**

* * *

I woke up to the sound of my own shaky breathing and the feeling of some one smoothing my hair off my forehead. My head throbbed and the side of my face felt swollen and for the life of me I couldn't remember why. I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted by the fuzzy sight of Liz and Patti. The memory of why my head hurt so badly came flooding back to me. Maka.

"Hey you're awake." I looked up and saw Liz and Patti staring down at me with a smile.

I sat up as fast as I could and felt the blood shoot back to my head and I almost feel back over. I steadied my self and turned to Liz. I looked around. She wasn't here. Maka was not here.

"Where is she?" I asked quietly.

She shrugged. "I don't know Kiddo-kun." she answered, looking distraught. "After he hit you he dragged her out and I heard them yelling down the street but we didn't follow them. I needed to see if you were okay." she looked miserable and kept glancing at the door, as if hoping an uninjured Maka would stroll in any moment.

An invisible pair of hands squeezed my windpipe and panic crept into my heart. I needed to find her. Make sure she was alright. I pushed myself off the floor and began to walk out of the apartment when I felt Liz take my hand and pull me back. I so wasn't in the mood for this.

"Let go Liz." I said firmly, attempting to shake off her hand.

"No Kiddo-kun, you can't go. You got hit really badly; she'll be fine Kiddo-kun you can't go." She was babbling and I was getting angry. I turned to tell her off but when I turned around I was hit by a massive dizzy spell and she managed to pull me back down to the couch with her. Until my phone started vibrating. I pulled it out and saw MAKA on the caller ID. My heart started thudding and my face turned red. Cursing my hormones from here to hell I reminded myself of the trouble she might be in and calmed down enough to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Kiddo-kun, I need you." Came her frightened whisper.

The fear came back and my heart started thudding for a different reason. "Where are you?" I asked her, not even bothering to go into my apartment but heading straight for the elevator.

"At the Park, Kiddo-kun I'm scared please hurry." she whispered desperately.

"On my way." I replied urgently

I willed Beezelbub to move faster as I waited for Maka to answer the texts I had been sending.

_Are you okay _

_Maka answer me_

_What's going on Maka_

_Maka please._

She wasn't answering any of them and I was on the verge of panicking. I forced myself to keep it together as I arrived at our park. The first thing I noticed was a shiny yellow motorcycle parked on the far side of the parking lot. Soul. I got out of Beezelbub and looked around, shivering and shaking the snow out of my hair. I didn't see her any where. I started off towards the rusty old swing set when I heard a shout of

"YOU'RE DEAD MAKA!"

Ringing from across the park. I turned to the sound and saw Soul's meaty figure staggering across the clearing of tree's near the swimming pool, tripping over his feet and crashing into the occasional tree. He continued to scream more but it was all slurred and I couldn't make any thing out of it. I figured since he was screaming, she was probably hiding. I turned and headed instead in the direction of a tall tree towards the centre of the park. As I neared the tree I saw something on the floor. A flash of purple on the white snowy ground. I picked it up. Maka's phone. I relaxed slightly. She dropped it. That's why she didn't answer. I looked up into the tree and saw her perched in one of the higher branches, beckoning me frantically. I slipped her phone into my coat pocket and pulled myself into the tree.

I reached her branch and sat next to her. Before I could say anything she surprised the hell out of me by throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug. I was so shocked I didn't move until I realized how badly she was shivering. I hugged her back and realized she was still wearing the thin white dress shirt she was wearing when Soul dragged her out. I let go of her and took of my coat with difficulty. It's hard to take clothes off in a tree. Once I got it off I slipped it over her shoulders, brushed the snow off her head and stared at her.

She bit her lip and stared off into the distance, watching Soul stumble around, looking for her. I decided she wasn't going to say any thing. So I did.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I said quietly.

She sighed softly and pulled my coat tighter around her before answering me. "It's not exactly something I'm proud of." she murmured, her breath coming from her in icy wisps.

"We could've helped you." I answered, staring at her. Willing her too look at me. She still stared at her boyfriend moving like a zombie through the snow. Boyfriend. Just the word itself made me sick.

"I don't need help from anyone." she said proudly, clenching her jaw and putting on the expression she wore when she was so convinced she was right. "I'm not weak." she finished quietly, almost talking to herself more then me. Her words cut through me like the cold. She didn't tell us because asking for help would have made her feel weak. Sadness settled over me as I continued to watch the small girl beside me shiver. I felt so useless.

Before I could think of an answer for her when a shout of

"GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE ALBARN!"

Echoed across the empty park and we both jumped. She finally turned to look at me and I stared into her scared green eyes and swallowed the tears that were forming. I sighed and held my arms open for her again. She stared at me for a second before she sighed and snuggled into them, trying to keep herself warm. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms and tried to stop the thoughts that were going through my head. As troubling as the situation was my mind was trying to be happy of the fact that the girl I loved was curled up in my arms. I looked down and I could see her pouty mouth and my heart started pumping before I remembered why I was here. I shook the thoughts away and pulled her closer, trying to balance us on the branch. I nestled my face in her blonde hair.

"Oh Maka…." I breathed onto her neck. I thought I felt her shudder when my breath hit her neck, but since it was snowing and she was already shivering, I chalked this one up to wishful thinking.

I held her until it grew dark and about two inches of snow blanketed the park and Soul had stumbled to his truck and drove away and I couldn't feel any of my limbs anymore. We climbed down from our tree and she nearly ran to my car while I walked slowly behind her on feet numb from the cold. A small smile came onto my face. She was safe, and I saved her. We jumped on Beezelbub, her arms around my waist and blasted off in the direction of her apartment.

"Kiddo-kun, may I stay at your home because the first place Soul will look for me is at my apartment." She asked me

"Of course you can." I replied casually. She didn't need to know she could stay whenever she wanted, even if it was for no reason but to have company. We arrived at my mansion. Our eyes met and I felt electricity course through me and I'm positive she felt it too. She had to have felt it. I saw all my love for her reflected back at me. She loved me. I knew it.

"Thanks Kiddo-kun." was all she whispered before turning and opening Liz's bedroom door. I opened my mouth to answer, but she slipped inside and I heard Liz fussing over her and exclaiming how worried she was before the door shut and I stood there in front of the door and swallowed the words I was about to say. Those three words. And I swallowed all of them.

_I could have fucking saved her that day. I could have stopped her from going into Liz's bedroom and kept her with me and kept her safe from the fucking world. She thought she was so tough. She was too delicate for this world. And I couldn't stop it from breaking her. I failed again that fucking day. I let her go. I saved her for the day and I still fucking let her go. Let Liz handle her. She did shiver when I breathed on her neck. She loved me. I could've told her that day. Told her everything. And then I wouldn't have told her when I did and it wouldn't have happened the fucking way it did and she would still be here and she would still be here, still be here, still fucking be here and she would still be alive…and I would still have her. I should have fucking told her then._


	5. The day he did it

**I do not own Soul Eater**

* * *

I filled Liz in about what happened at the park, we both took turns looking after Maka, making sure she was never alone, or near Soul. Maka on the other hand kept up a magnificent façade of appearing perfectly fine. She laughed with Patti, talked with Liz and Tsubaki like normal. The only sign she ever gave that something happened in the park was the looks she would give me when she thought I wasn't looking. I pretended not to be looking as long as possible. Maka's smile disappeared and she took off towards the door without a word.

"Hey where are you going?" Liz asked, grabbing Maka's hand as she passed her.

"Um. I just need to go." Maka said softly, attempting to twist her thin wrist out of Liz's grip. Liz didn't release her and pulled her back onto the couch.

"Where?" Liz asked.

"Somewhere…"Maka murmured, attempting to pry off Liz's slender fingers off of her.

"Maka." I said, glaring at her with raised eyebrows. She sighed and looked up at us. Liz released her and crossed her arms.

"Please guys?" Maka said almost desperately. "I just need to do something really fast, I'll be fine." she attempted a quick smile and my heart went all gooey. I looked over at Liz and raised an eyebrow. I didn't want to let her go. Liz seemed confused. She shrugged. I sighed and shrugged in return.

"Okay, be back soon?" Liz asked her.

Maka nodded, not looking at us again and slipping out of the studio, not giving us a chance to tell her anything else. I watched her leave and the fear that had recently taken a leave of absence from my throat crawled back in and settled there. Something felt wrong.

"I don't want her to go." I said to Liz.

She was watching the door Sam just left through with a worried look in her eye. "Neither do I Kiddo-kun." she said, walking over to her purple bean bag chair and sinking into it. "I'm worried about her. What if she gets hurt?" Liz said, looking at me with her wide eyes.

"I know…" I answered, sinking onto the couch next to her. "I'm worried too." I felt restless. I wanted to follow her. I couldn't sit still and stood up and began pacing. Liz watched me silently and panic began to settle over me.

"I'm gonna go take a shower Liz." I said softly, leaving before she could say anything.

I stood in the shower and let the hot water run over me, trying to calm myself down. I had been freaking out all night, I had sent about four messages to Maka after she failed to return to our house two hours after she left and she hadn't yet answered me and I was, well. Panicking. Twice before my shower I had almost left my house to go look for her, but stopped myself right before I could make it out the front door.

I sighed in defeat and turned off the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and walking into my room. I put on my pj bottoms and an old shirt that had the Shibusen logo on it and flopped down on my bed, once again obsessively checking my phone for her response. Still nothing. I sighed in frustration. I'm so stupid. I let her go again. I rolled over and silently cursed my self before drifting off into an uneasy sleep. I awoke with a start as the thunder shook the windows of my (SYMMETRICAL) house relentlessly. I sat up and looked out my window to see the rain coming down in sheets. I lay back down and almost fell back asleep when I thought I heard a faint knocking sound. Confused, I sat up and listened. The knocking noise sounded again. What the hell. Who on earth could be knocking at, I looked over at my Shinigami bedside clock, 2:53 in the morning? I slipped out of bed, shivering as my bare feet touched the cold wood floor. I stumbled to the front door in the darkness, stubbing my toe in the process and swearing loudly, silently thanking god that no one was awake to hear my choice of words. I reached my door and opened it, and felt my heart sink as I completely forgot the pain in my toe.

"Maka?" I whispered quietly.

Maka didn't look at me. She stood there dripping wet, staring at the floor and shaking from head to toe.

"Maka?" I repeated, reaching out a hand for her face so I could get her to look at me. She looked up before I could reach her and my heart made a flying leap into my throat. Maka's beautiful face was a medley of bruises and shallow cuts on her cheek bones. Her mascara had run down her face, darkening the appearance of her already black eyes. Her face was swollen and her eyes were red and bloodshot. Blood mud and grass stained her soaking wet hair and her bangs clung to her forehead. Her swollen lips trembled as my eyes traveled down to take in the rest of her appearance. Her white dress shirt stained in various places with dark mud and tiny spots of what looked like blood were flecked under her collar bone right over her left breast. The neck was torn and the shirt hung loosely off her frail body and her skirt was covered in mud.

"Kiddo…" came her strangled whisper. She reached out for me and stared into my eyes with her broken green eyes. As soon as I extended my arms to her she threw herself into them and broke down into heart wrenching sobs.

"Maka, Maka what happened?" I asked frantically. I received no answer, only more sobs. I gently half pulled half carried her into my apartment and closed the door. I leaned on it and sat down against it, pulling her us down to the floor. She twisted her body and curled up in my lap and cried into my chest. She sobbed my name and shook her head violently as I tried to calm her down. I held her trembling body to me closely and stroked her hair while rocking her slowly.

"Kiddo, Kiddo, Kiddo…" she sobbed, her tiny hands clutching fistfuls of my shirt. I whispered to her softly until her breathing slowed and her sobs became short gasps for air.

"Maka what happened?" I murmured softly.

"he-he-he. Kiddo…" she whispered shakily, seemingly unable to say anything other than my name.

"I'm here Maka, I'm here, tell me what happened." my whisper sounded like hers. Seeing her like this hurt me physically. I hated seeing her like this. My Maka…She was way too beautiful to look so sad. "Talk to me Maka."

"he-he-he-he" Maka stammered.

"Who? Did what?" I begged her for an answer. I was scared now. I took her face in my hands and stared into her eyes. "what did he do Maka?"

"I said I didn't want to. I didn't. I said no…"she babbled. I stopped breathing. Oh god please no. "Maka what did he do." I repeated slowly.

"He raped me." she whispered before tears began to flow down her ruined face. My heart sank and my vision blurred and turned red with and rage. I didn't need to ask who anymore. Soul. That sick son of a bitch. I was going to kill him. Hate engulfed me and I could taste blood in my mouth. I couldn't think clearly until I heard Maka whimper. I was still holding her face, only now with a little more force than I would normally. I looked down at her, and caught sight of her swollen green eyes. Those beautiful orbs that manage to capture fire on the plain of green grass. My anger temporarily melted away and a deep sadness took its place. I gently pressed my mouth against her forehead in a soft kiss. "I'm so sorry Maka." tears of anger and pain threatened to spill from my eyes.

"I was a virgin Kiddo…" she whispered into my neck, her tears warmed my neck and seeped into my shirt. I felt my heart tear in half and I held her tighter so she wouldn't see the tears streaming freely down my face. My poor Maka. I loved her so much. This was all my fault. I shouldn't have let her go. I felt completely useless.

She was no longer sobbing now, but was rather still, small streams of tears continued to run down her cheeks and she sniffled occasionally, but other than that she was quiet. I continued to stroke her wet hair until I calmed down. I remembered how dirty she was. How dirty she must feel….

I pulled her to her feet gently, answering her confused expression with a murmur of "shower." she nodded softly and followed me without a word.

When we reached my bathroom, she didn't move.

"Maka, you need to shower." I said, she didn't answer, just looked at me and trembled. Every time I looked into her broken green eyes my throat closed up. I reached for her to help her, to get her to move, something. As soon as I touched her she seemed to come back to herself. She shrank away and wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"I-I got it Kiddo…" she whispered.

I just nodded, feeling like an idiot. I silently handed her a muscle shirt and a pair of boxers so she would have something warm to sleep in. she took them without a word, a wary and guarded look in her eyes. I left the bathroom and closed the door, sinking down on my bed and listening to the water running. I didn't move the whole time she was in the shower. I sat on my bed and stared out my window. Fighting off every emotion that was fighting to tear me to pieces. I was gonna stay sane for her. I fought the anger, the hate, the pain and the sorrow. The urge to go find him and slowly dismember him and the urge to break down in tears. I resisted both, and stared out the window. The only emotions I allowed through was the love and sorrow for the broken girl in my shower.

Five minutes later she emerges from my bathroom, hair tousled and face swollen, but at least she wasn't covered in dirt and blood and whatever else he left on her. Her thin frame seemed lost in the loose clothes she had on. I held out my hand without getting up from the bed. She came forward slowly, took my hand and allowed me to pull her into my lap. She curled up on me and I whispered how sorry I was. She remained motionless, her face buried in my neck. Slowly, as not to frighten her, I pulled her back onto the bed, letting her curl up on the far side of the bed as I stretched out a full foot away from her. She turned to the wall and her shoulders began shaking again. I didn't reach for her this time. I turned off my lamp and watched her silhouette in the dark, knowing she wanted to cry alone knowing she was safe. Once she stopped silently crying I rolled over, suddenly remembering how tired I was.

_And when I held her and watched my angel sleep. I didn't know it was the last time she would ever fucking sleep next to me. I didn't know that it would be the last fucking time I comforted her. The last fucking time. I didn't know… I didn't fucking know. i dream about that fucking night constantly. And every night i wake up screaming and crying and freaking out until my nurse comes in and fucking tells me over and over that it was just a dream. Just a fucking dream. And my crying becomes much quieter and she goes back to bed and my arms ache for her and my fucking heart breaks again. And again. And fuck it, yet again. I loved her so fucking much. And she was mine. Even if only for a night. And now she'll never fucking be mine again._


	6. The day three died

**dino kid - The paragraphs will be explained below if you still don't get them feel free to PM me.**

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Light. Soft and pale, still too cloudy to be bright. I rolled over and hugged my pillow, trying to fall ignore the soft light and fall back to sleep. The pillow. It smelled. Sweet. Like Strawberries. And my shampoo. The memory of her came rushing back to me like a freight train. Her. Maka. I opened my eyes and sat up. My room was empty. I looked around. I was alone, my bed was empty. Her dirty clothes that had been discarded on my floor were gone and my clothes she had on the night before that had also been discarded were folded neatly on the foot of my unmade bed. My head cleared and my heart stuttered. Forcing myself to breathe I reached over to the pile of clothes and found a note folded gently into my shirt. With trembling fingers I opened. And read.

**Kiddo-kun**

**I'm sorry you woke up alone, but I need to go break it off with Soul. For good this time. I want you. And only you. And I've been letting him do this for too long. And I know what he did to me was. Well I'm not afraid of him anymore. You give me the strength I need. Hopefully I'll be back before you wake up so you won't worry. I love you Kiddo-kun and I'll see you soon.**

**Maka.**

Oh no. my heart was pounding blood in my ears and I couldn't even hear my own ragged breathing as I jumped out of bed and started pulling on my clothes and digging around for my shoes. Death the Kid you are an idiot. I flew down the stairs and out the door. Outside i summoned Beezelbub. My hands shook and I rode without realizing where I was heading. I let her go again. I should have woken up when she left. I should have gone with her. I should be with her now. She's so stubborn. She can't take him by herself. Fear was threatening to swallow me when I found my self at our park. Leading to the park.

A yellow motorcycle. No. I didn't even return Beezelbub. I jumped off and ran, ran as fast as I could. I reached our tree and froze. And listened. A scream carried across the park and slapped me across the face.

"Let go of me!" Maka. I turned and ran towards the sound and ran. I ran until I found them at the bottom of the hill near the old playground. I stopped. Watching them fight. Watch as she punches him and he slaps her and she bites his hand and he pulls her hair and she kicks him and she yells when his hand makes contact with her face and he yells curses at her when she hits him and she's so tiny and he's enormous and a scream is building up in my throat and I'm running again and I'm too far and he pushes her on the floor and her sandy blonde head hit's the floor and I'm still running and his hands in his pocket and she's still on the floor and he pulls out a gun he's got a gun and I'm still running and I'm still too far and it was all my fault and she looks up and her scared green eyes meet mine and her mouth opens and I wasn't fast enough and he doesn't turn around and he's pointing it at her and I'm running and Maka's looking at me and I love her and it was all my fault and he pulls the trigger.

And the sound echoes through me and I stop running.

And she freezes.

And looks down

And watches the dark red stain spread across her sweater-vest. Right over her heart.

And he smiles.

I don't remember running up to him. I don't remember punching him as hard as I could. And I don't remember wrestling the gun out of his hand and shoving him down on the floor just as he had done to my angel moments before. But I do remember looking into those hateful red eyes and emptying the remaining bullets into his chest. Pumping round after round into him and not even blinking, not even caring that my symmetry was off. Not caring about anything but the fact that he killed Maka, I do remember how he screamed. I do remember the glazed look in his eyes every time he looked at me and every time another bullet tore his insides.

And I remember the feeling of complete satisfaction as I watched him die.

_They found me three fucking hours later. Cradling her body while his fucking body cooled ten feet away. I wasn't crying. Or screaming. Just holding her. It took six police to pry me away form her and I hurt three of them pretty badly. So they told me. They led me to one of the police car and I didn't start screaming until one of them started touching Maka. Moving her. Screaming not to fucking touch her and that I fucking loved her and don't touch her and it was all my fucking fault. Then I started crying frantically, trying to get to her and screaming. They gave me a shot of the same thing my nurse gives me. And I woke up in the Seattle police station, handcuffed and sitting in a dark room across the table from a detective while Liz, Patti, BlakStar and Tsubaki watched nervously from a window. I didn't even look at them. I answered his questions. Without emotions. I couldn't feel. I was numb again. It wasn't until he asked me straight out who shot Mr. Evans. I looked up from the table and stared straight into detective Stein's grey eyes. And answered. I did. And laughed. I laughed so hard it scared Stein. And it made Liz and Patti cry. And it made me laugh even harder. I stood up and laughed and screamed that I killed Soul Evans and I was fucking happy about it. _

_They decided I didn't need a trial. They also decided that I was crazy. But I wasn't crazy. I was far from crazy. But they sent me here . The Shibusen hospital for the criminally insane. They gave me this room. And my beautiful nurse. And I've been here for the past fucking year. Not eating. Listening to my father when he made his rounds. Not speaking. Banging my head against my wall and cursing myself for letting her die. For not being fast enough. For failing her again. And ignoring Liz and Patti when they came to see me._

_My heart breaks every fucking day. I cry myself to sleep every fucking night. And it was all my fucking fault. If I had woken up when she was leaving. If I had ridden faster if I had run faster if I had gotten there sooner she wouldn't be dead._

_They didn't let me go to her funeral. They didn't let me see her body. They didn't even let me go to her fucking grave. They thought it would upset me._

_Before she died. After I had killed him and thrown that fucking gun off to the side and knelt by her fucking side and pulled her to me and cradled her head and cried her name and fucking begged her to be alright. She looked straight at me, and caressed my face with a shaking hand. And whispered that she loved me. And shuddered. And died. And fucking DIED In my arms. Before I could answer her. And I died inside along with her. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much._

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_Thank you to all the reveiwers and all the readers.


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